Scripture
“Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7
“Then Peter came up and said to Him, “Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me and I still forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times.”
MATTHEW 18:21-22
Quotes/Color
“A man may make mistakes but he isn’t a failure until he blames someone else.”
John Wooden
“If the devil’s in the details, brother, kick that joker out
‘Cause he’ll raise up every insult just to hear you scream and shout
Well, he wants love all torn up, he wants love keepin’ score
Now, brother, you better run him off so he won’t come back no more
So he won’t come back no more
Forgive, forgive a million times
Forgive as if you can’t remember, just because it’s right
Forgive, forgive it all away
Forgive to live to love another day”
The Steeldrivers
“Above all, pay attention to your own hearts with their lusts, for they are ‘deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.’ Set your faces with flint-like resolve since you have all power in heaven and earth on your side.”
John Bunyan, The Pilgrim’s Progress
Song: Forgive by The Steeldrivers
Context
There have been many times in my life that I have found myself holding onto resentment towards another person with a death grip, I am sure it is the same for you. In my own life, when this has happened I find myself doing two very dangerous things.
Keep A Tally In My Heart of How Many Times Someone has Wronged Me
I am a hyper critical person if I do not make the effort to inspect myself and choose to give grace. If someone has bad intentions or does something we both know is inconsiderate, my natural tendency is to mark a little tally in my heart that they have wronged me.
Cancel on me at the last minute? Tick. Critique a choice I made in front of others and make me feel stupid? Tick. Passive aggressively try to belittle me, ignore me or make me feel unimportant? Tick tick tick. Lots of tallies growing in my heart.
Then my mind starts.
“Now they owe me.”
Or even worse.
“Now they deserve for me or someone else to slight them in the future. To even this out. He has wronged me so many times, he’s overdue for a quick jab back. There are too many tallies they’ve stacked up, the score needs to be settled against them.”
The more tallies I record in my heart against someone, the more I hold on tightly and root for cosmic justice to be struck against them. Or personal justice to be enforced on them by myself or others.
Rehearse Someone’s Wrongs In My Own Head
In addition to marking a little tally in my heart against the person for purposes of later settling the score, I record the full story of specific instances that they wronged me and rehearse them in my own mind from beginning to end… Just in case an argument comes up and I can effectively and succinctly bring up all instances of wrongdoing in a clear and concise way, not leaving out any details.
“Well at all started 6 months ago… And then you repeatedly did (fill in the blank)… And then you intentionally got so and so on your side… This always happens.”
Holding onto specific instances for months or years, replaying them in my head, letting them all the while fester and inflate in my own heart for an opportune moment to erupt.
Application
Now maybe you’re a wonderful person and you don’t grapple with either of those things. But I have a feeling that isn’t quite the case.
If you find yourself doing either of these things your only (1) productive and (2) God-honoring thing to do is to ask the Lord to help you with forgiveness.
All of us are keenly aware of the wrongs people do against us and it is our human nature to keep close records and have an internal tally in our hearts of all the ways other people have wronged us. And I can say definitively that there might not be a more poisonous and destructive habit we can have than this.
Forgiveness is essential.
I love the song that I attached above about forgiveness for a couple of reasons:
It acknowledges that this “internal tally” is from the devil
And it is. God tells us in His Word that love “does not keep an account of a wrong suffered.” There is no internal tally in God’s definition of love, it is completely incompatible. Meanwhile the song Forgive acknowledges, “[The devil] wants love all torn up, He wants love keeping score.”
And isn’t that the truth?
What more effective way to cause fissure and destruction between God’s creation than provoking His creation to carefully keep record of all the ways others have wronged them. Total destruction.
It acknowledges that forgiveness is REQUIRED to “live to love another day”
It’s one or the other. You’re either going to be able to harbor bitterness in your heart and hold onto it. Or give out love generously. It is impossible to live to love another day while storing bitterness in your heart. Forgiveness is a prerequisite to love.
The Christian doesn’t harbor bitterness against others. The Christian doesn’t keep careful airtight records of all wrongs done against them. The Christian isn’t able to rehearse and regurgitate all wrongs done against them.
God calls the Christian to erase all records of wrongdoing and respond in love. Because that is what His Son did on the cross. He erased any record of wrong that we had against God and showed the ultimate act of love in doing so.
Knowing Christ’s sacrifice on the cross and confronting it any time someone wrongs us is the only way we are able to imitate Him and not respond with bitterness or vengeance but with love and forgiveness.
Something to Chew On:
- Who are you harboring resentment against? How long have you kept a closely tracked log of their wrongs against you?
- Dwell on Jesus Christ’s work on the cross and how his death erased any record of wrong you have before God.
- Now allow the truth that Jesus erased any record of wrong you committed propel you to forgive others and erase the tallies you’ve collected in your heart.
GreatValue Proverb:
Harboring bitterness isn’t worth it. Forgive and remove the record of tallies from your heart.